Peace & Goodwill

I had a dream… and a very small budget. I wanted a beautiful Christmas tree in the front window of my home; yet in the interest of continuing my family’s five-year-pursuit of financial peace, I could not (and would not) go buy a new tree and ornaments.

A few days after I verbalized my dream to my husband, he caught the vision and found a very decent 6-foot tree for $20. It was on! I was going to see just how cheaply I could create beauty in my front window. The following Saturday, I started out for one of those “everything’s a dollar” stores seeking inexpensive lights and ornaments, but when I passed the local Goodwill store I remembered that it was “half-off day” there. Looking at the parking lot, I could see that embarking on this sale was going to be an adventure! But I needed cheap decorations. I knew if Goodwill had any ornaments, they would likely fit my budget!

I walked in and bee-lined for the areas of the store where Christmas items might be lurking. It was a crazy maze of carts and people reaching across one another for the most desirable items. My first find was a gorgeous Christmas tree star for $1.00. I grabbed it quickly, knowing someone would snag it quickly if I didn’t! There were some brand new white frosted glass ornaments, one of which was a white dove (the symbol of peace and a metaphor for the financial peace we have been pursuing)… $1. Score! Then I found a huge bag of more than a dozen copper and gold-colored ornaments… also $1.

It was hard to see everything, with all the carts and people squeezing into each aisle… but somehow my eyes locked onto a gorgeous white and gold porcelain nativity set (still in the original packaging).  The price… $2!  I would put it underneath my dream tree, which was coming together at a financial-peace-price!

The line to the checkout was long and winding but, as I looked around, it seemed that most people were as excited as I was about their bargains.  While passing time in the line, I began wondering what the other people came looking for.  But pretty soon an altercation nearby jarred me out of my thoughts.  Voices grew louder in the next line. Something was amiss. The people standing around me grew quiet, while a faction of shoppers in the next line grew louder.

“The line begins back there… if you want in line, it starts BACK THERE!  We all started BACK THERE…”

“I….was HERE…. blah blah blah….” is what I heard from the middle-aged woman whose voice sounded a little like a cat and whose cart was clearly (but unsuccessfully) trying to merge into the line.

Voices grew louder.  Other people in that line began weighing in… and she was mad about it.  So I did what anyone might’ve done. I called my sister!

“Big fight at Goodwill!” I said.  She begged for details and I willingly gave her a real-time, blow-by-blow report.  “Ooohh, they’ve called in a manager… and… it looks like he is telling her to go to the end of the line.  OH!  She’s  not taking ‘no’ for an answer!” My sister, intrigued, stays on the line until the woman jibber-jabbers her way to the back of the line. Her last line as she passed by was, “They can all kiss my behind!”

My sister, relieved that she had piped down, said, “Did she hang her head on her way by everyone?”

“Oh no!  Heavens, no.  She was prancing.  Head-held high…” We laughed at how the lady who was clearly in the wrong was not afraid to tell everyone she passed how she deserved that spot in line!”

“Aaaand, Merry Christmas to you, too…” I thought.  (Of course, given her frame of mind, I was too afraid to say it so she could hear me or I might have spent the holidays dead!)

My tree came together beautifully with only a few small additions from local discount stores.  I now call it my “Goodwill Tree”.  And, while I was happy to find a budget Christmas tree for the front of the house and spread the beauty of the season to guests and neighbors, the experience of finding it was even richer than the fulfillment of my tiny little dream.

I also got a face-to-face confrontation – literally – with the extremes that come with trying to make the holidays special on a budget.  We can find incredible satisfaction in being resourceful and creative.  Or we can let stress send us over the top and biting the heads off innocent bystanders. It all depends on what we come looking for. Either way, our choices spill over to those around us.  Let’s choose peace.  And Goodwill!

Sin & Error Pining

I’ve heard and sung “O Holy Night” literally hundreds of times.  But there are two lines that have stopped me in my tracks lately:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

‘Til He appeared, and the soul felt it’s worth!

Wow.  “Pining” has, before now, been almost a funny word to me.  I suppose it strikes me funny because it indicates such raw neediness.  I’ll often joke about “pining” for coffee in the morning… as if I’m just going to curl up and parish if I don’t get a cup of it right NOW.   Or my dogs… “pining” for attention with their pitiful puppy eyes, pawing longingly to be noticed and touched.

But suddenly this powerful line, “Long lay the world in sin and error pining,” paints a serious, tragic picture of our world literally “wallering” in our need.  Until He appeared, that is!  Then we got a glimpse of our worth! When God shows up and smiles on our lives with his infinite kindness, He is SO full of everything we don’t have.  THAT is why we celebrate!  Because He gave us – and continues to give us – worth.  Value!  What more incredible gift could a soul possibly pine for?!

Those two lines from “O Holy Night” are enough for me to chew on for the entire season.  Thank You, Jesus, for letting my soul feel it’s worth when You showed up.  Without You, I’m pining.  And not just for coffee.  Without You, I’m desperately needy. Your coming is everything.  As we approach the celebration of Your birthday, I am more aware than ever just what a big deal You are!

Giving Thanks

It’s late.  Pies are cooked.  This year I made three of them.  Scott’s grandmother taught me how to make homemade pie with hand-rolled crust before her health started failing.  How grateful I am that she passed along that tradition before she passed away!

In just a few hours the family will arrive and the house will be filled with the smell of turkey and all the fixings.  But in this quiet, stolen moment while the house is still, I just want to express my deep, heartfelt thanks for a a few things.

1. 20 years of marriage to the very best person in the world.

2. Health.

3. A family support system.

4. Children who are thriving.

5. A roof over our heads.

6. Food.

7. A church I actually look forward to attending.

8. Friends who really do care.

9. Friends that kinda care.

10. Small joys, like the Chihuahua all curled up next to me right now.

11. Redemption for all the mistakes I make.

12. On-going healing for my on-going brokenness.

13. A job I love.

14.  Did I mention health? Also… hubby & children’s health.

15.  Laughter.

16. A million other things that I now can’t list because the silence is broken.  Dogs need out.

17. The silent moment that I just got and the full, blessed life that broke it.

I know ending on 17 is odd, which brings me to 18.  Progress in the area of perfectionism.

Much love to you and yours this Thanksgiving.  I hope you have lots to be grateful for, too!

Crickets

I thought 2008 was a tough year. And it was. To be fair, there were some redeeming moments, but overall it was a year of facing some giants and forging through challenges that seemed impossible. So at the dawn of 2009, I was giddy about a new start. I made a long, long list of things that would be different in 2009. My control issues started taking over (again) and I started trying to drum up the best dang year ever.

So guess where my attempts at controlling and fixing life landed me. In the middle of another hard year, filled with different challenges. Time and time again, I have prayed…”God, is there something I’m missing here?? Are you asking me to ‘do’ something and I’m just not hearing it?” And you know what I hear in response?

*Crickets*

Time and time again, silence has set in like a cold winter snow. It covers everything I can see with an awareness that it’s not about what I can see. Truth… faith…. love… is once again not emerging from the things that scream for my attention. And I know this isn’t breaking news… but it has hit me all over again during the past few weeks.

So instead of assuming that God is “MIA” when all I hear is crickets in the middle of a dark night, I’m starting to realize that the silence really is a gift. Not one of the lame gifts we get in the mail from the insurance company (although I’ll admit, that was my first impression).

Silence has, in recent weeks, allowed me the rare chance to tune out all outward expectations – mine and anyone else’s – and look at life from the inside out. Silence forces me to tune my ear – or rather my heavy heart – to the things that aren’t things. Silence brings into keen focus the Voice of the only One whose whisper is more powerful and life-changing than a thousand voices.  For that, I’m eternally grateful.

This year, moments of silence have been my salvation from despair. Because it is in silence that the music of Heaven can be unleashed in the depths of us.  In our journey of faith, just as in all masterpieces, there is really is music in the pause.