I’ve done it again. After saying “yes” to more people than was realistic and expecting superhuman powers from myself, I finally had the “crash and burn” that brings with it a familiar and unmistakable sense of failure. Time to go back to the drawing board on my boundaries. I’ll never forget reading the book Boundaries no less than 10 years ago. The book gave examples of people who didn’t have a clue how to say “no” and those people sounded just like me! I’ve worked hard to learn how to set boundaries, and I’ve made progress. But still, this very day, it has been a constant battle to keep my life from resembling a tilt-a-whirl (lots of motion but going in circles at a dizzying and nauseating rate).
I fluctuate constantly between sanity (knowing my limitations and living within them) and vanity (thinking that saying “yes” all the time will somehow win me favor or bonus points or my wildest dreams-come-true). SO… for the past month or so I’ve chosen vanity. As a result, all the favor I was going for has alluded me completely because I’ve disappointed some of my dearest friends, double-booked myself multiple times, forgotten tons of important things I needed and wanted to do… and worse, I’ve been snippy and resentful about it! I’ve literally lost sleep over important things I didn’t accomplish because I was trying to accomplish too much. So ironic.
It’s time to run my neediness through a nifty little filter that wise people call “realistic expectations”. And just in time for the holidays, too! Reflection and gratitude go hand-in-hand… so I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that insanity and tilt-a-whirls have no place at the Thanksgiving table. Maybe that’s why God created Thanksgiving.
I’m starting right away. I’m redefining the boundaries I can joyfully live within. And my list begins with going to sleep. Right now.